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jellybeanbug24
06 September 2030 @ 04:02 am
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Current Mood: goodgood
 
 
jellybeanbug24
04 February 2016 @ 01:00 pm
The first weigh in for the challenge happened this morning. I didn’t go in with a bang, but I wasn’t expecting to.

Initial Weight: 139.8
Today’s Weight: 135.8

I’m not really turning up my nose at 4 pounds lost. I already feel my pants fitting more loose and better. Right before this year’s challenge started, the pants I was wearing were fitting really tight and uncomfortable. I used to love being in jeans and with the weight sneaking back in, I was excited to get off from wherever I was, get into either comfy shorts/pants and just veg.

My energy was dwindling. Considering I’m taking courses now, I was really starting to struggle staying awake at night in order to get my assignments done on time. I recently started going back to the gym. I had to make a tough decision and say goodbye to Anytime Fitness. I’ve been going there since 2011, and they’ve always been there for me. Through the coffeehouse night shifts (I used to go there around 2 in the morning daily). They’ve been there through me working at the bank, starting at the insurance company, to me always going there to get away from my shitty home situation, and all through my divorce. I knew a lot of people that went there, and they cheered me on through my weight losses every time I accidentally gained. The owner cheered me through last year’s weight loss challenge. So, it was pretty hard, but with the financial limits I have now, saving $20+/month has really helped.

Don’t get me wrong, this new gym is pretty nice. It’s a lot bigger, so there’s a lot more people always going in and out. I have seen a few regulars here and there, especially from going to some of the Zumba classes. I’m mostly focusing on cardio right now and rebuilding the stamina I used to have the last time I was going pretty diligently. I am trying some pre-workout powder before going to the gym now. The first couple times, it kind of made me weak and sick feeling, but the previous time, I was really able to stay on the treadmill longer, more comfortably, and I didn’t have any adverse reactions from it.

I’m definitely not going to rank as high as a lot of others have this month, but I am planning on staying pretty consistent with my diet and exercise, and maybe the others will wane off of the hardcore-ness, and hopefully, I can at least win my entry fee back, haha. I’m planning on posting progress pictures each month from when I posted the previous ones. I really need to focus on my stomach since that was the main culprit of my previous weight gain
 
 
jellybeanbug24
22 December 2015 @ 11:54 am
Since the company is basically insisting on it, I am seeing a counselor about the robbery. It’s only about 3 sessions, once a week, so I am trying to comply with it. I have the 2nd appointment tonight. Appointments like this aren’t so bad, but I keep thinking of all the things I could be accomplishing instead of having to sit there and attempt to evaluate some emotions that I am not feeling.

There have been a lot of times people tell me that they don’t know how I reacted the way I did. They tell me of their predictions that they would probably freak, fight back, get pissed, etc. It’s real easy to say what you could be doing once you’re in that position, but I’m glad I reacted as calmly as I did through all of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I was a little skittish for about a couple days after it happened. I had trouble sleeping, and kept thinking of how things could’ve been worse and what I could’ve done better. I was scared to walk my dog at night by myself, so I would call friends to stay on the line with me until I was done and back into the apartment. That didn’t last too long, and I would like to take a moment to thank those friends that were patient enough to humor my skittish self. But other than those, I haven’t really felt too much about it.

Right after the robbery happened, I guess I didn’t have time to really harp on it. It was around finals, and I was way too focused on completing these courses the best way I could. I finished both courses with an A, so I really cannot complain about that. I’m grateful I managed to pull those off while keeping up with 2 jobs.

Christmas is coming at a fast pace, and technically, I am almost ready for it. Emotionally, not so much. I am trying my hardest to get into the mood. I remember everyone diving full on into the holiday mood when Thanksgiving first passed; now that Christmas has been inching closer, it seems like people are losing that momentum and are no longer in the mood.
 
 
jellybeanbug24
18 November 2015 @ 10:47 am
I need an outlet for my frustrations, any one have any suggestions?

And you can't say sex, that's too much of a challenge/work :-P
 
 
jellybeanbug24
30 October 2015 @ 02:45 pm
I survived through Wednesday. I don’t know how I did, but there were probably some casualties.

The instructor made a quick-ish study guide for the test, and I went through it and did all I could from it, but there were a lot on the test that was not on the study guide. I’m a little disappointed about that since I am usually strapped for time and tried to take the most use of that study guide, like I did the previous test (which I got a 92 on), but I got a 79 on this test. It’s still passing, and it’s still better than my test scores when I went to LSU, I just had higher hopes for this test.

After the test, I went to work at the coffeehouse, and there was nothing done from the closing duties, so I had to put on the shift leader pants and delegate like no other. Times like this, I am the not so fun party crasher, but at least we were out before 11pm, so they can’t complain too much. And if they do, well, I’m only there 1-2 times a week, so I won’t have to hear about it too much.

Today at the primary job, I got summoned by HR to take pictures of this donation/luncheon event that was going on. I am severely socially awkward. I don’t like getting up in people’s spaces, I kind of like to keep my distance. I won’t be rude and not talk to you, but I will fully engage conversation with someone if they seem to want to talk to me. I’m just not good at being the initiator.

The one time I tried initiating was in 7th grade. There was this small group of chicks that seemed pretty cool. They were real into Spice Girls, and so was I. So I tried to use that to help get myself in and make friends. I thought things were going pretty well for a while, but one of them asked me to not hang around with them anymore.

The online world has really helped with my awkward-ness. I feel more confident behind a screen, talking with people, getting to know them, etc. At least, if they don’t want to talk to me, they can just ignore my messages and not have to go through the awkward run of telling me to not hang around anymore. I wish I had the time to fully engage online again. I really liked having friends from all over the world and hearing about the things going on in their lives.

I feel so out of the internet loop that I don’t know where people go to get to know others anymore. Livejournal used to be so active and I made a bunch of friends through mutual communities that have eventually faded out. I still have a couple friends from here that I added on Facebook and Instagram, and I enjoy being able to see what they’re up to. Talking isn’t what it used to be, but I’m glad that they haven’t fully cut me out of their loops like some others have.

Maybe I’ll make that a resolution for 2016, relearn how to use Livejournal again like I used to, and to stay out of doctor’s offices 
 
 
 
jellybeanbug24
28 October 2015 @ 04:00 pm
One thing I hate about tests is that I’m not sure if I’m studying the correct things, or if I’m doing things right.

It’s easier if you’re in the actual classroom and are able to ask the instructor if you’re doing whatever correctly, but in online courses, you’re lucky if you can get a response back within 48 hours.

I’m nervous about the course I’m taking this test in. It’s the Managerial Accounting course, so it’s a little more complex than what I’m used to. When I took my previous accounting courses, I had my ex mother in law in the class with me (she was also taking these courses, but for a pay raise at her job). She was such a perfectionist. She had everything organized to the T, and I was able to bum off of that, and she managed to simplify it to dumb terms for me. Now that I’m taking this course on my own accord, without her around, I’m kind of spazzing if I’m doing things correctly.

I guess I’m doing okay so far. I have A’s in both my accounting courses (the other one is stupid easy, like, it’s for incoming freshman that the university is making me take). Now things are starting to get real with about a month and a half left of the semester.

Where did the time go? I feel like the semester is still fresh and I’m still trying to get used to everything. I guess having to spend $25 a pop for each test I have taken this semester is starting to add up, so my credit card statement is telling me that I’m pretty far along with the semester.

While I have the (blogging) spotlight right now, I would like to take a minute to thank the person whom has discovered the magical effects of caffeine. I have been running off of the power of coffee nonstop since the semester has started. I feel very fortunate that both of my jobs have coffee ready and willing for me to consume. I really don’t think I could survive without it. Keeping up with two jobs and a couple courses, I think I need all the help I can get.

On that note, I better do another run through of this study guide. I am due to take this test in a little over an hour. Right after that, I have to go to Job #2 to train a shift leader, and hold this new kid’s hand through closing. He’s a good kid, just needs to pick up the speed some, because I do not want to spending another Wednesday night there until 11pm, waiting for him to want to excel and be thorough with the sweeping/mopping of the coffee house. I can’t fault the kid for wanting to do good work, but, my patience has its limits.

Oh, and I am doing all this right after working the 9-5 job. So yeah, maybe I should take another quick moment to appreciate caffeine and its products 
 
 
jellybeanbug24
29 September 2015 @ 11:57 pm
No freaking lie.

I have never had to visit so many doctors for this many different reasons. And I do have a few more things that needs to be looked at/tended to, but frankly, I am so tired of sitting in waiting rooms and having to arrange for my entire day to go see one doctor.

a lot of medical issue ramblage, with some possible TMICollapse )
 
 
jellybeanbug24
23 June 2015 @ 03:33 pm
Are you more likely to avoid conflict (of whatever kind) or engage it head-on? Is there an instance where you avoided a problem that you now wish you could go back and take a different course of action -- what was the situation and why do you wish you'd handled it differently?

This is a huge guilt of mine, but I do tend to do whatever it takes to avoid conflict. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes there is a need for standing up for yourself and having to go head-on, but I do tend to bend over backwards, especially for those that I love, in order to keep the peace and avoid the mess.

There are plenty of instances of when I should have stood up for myself. It has cost me not only monetarily, but with my self respect, as well.

I feel like it’s a balance that has to be evaluated at whatever situation happens. It’s kind of like the whole “Pick your battles” saying that’s pretty well-known, there’s no same correct answer for every situation.
 
 
jellybeanbug24
23 April 2015 @ 03:23 pm
I have been quite pleased with how my weight loss journey has been going.

When I first signed up for the weight loss challenge, I didn’t expect to win anything. I mostly joined in it for the motivation from being around other people who are also wanting to lose weight.
I know it sounds pretty vain, but I wanted to be able to fit into smaller clothes. There were so many shopping trips I had to surrender and look for the larger sizes. Companies did not want to make cute things for bigger people, and that always bugged me.
I used to be thin in my senior year of high school, and I would look at the few clothes I still had from that era, and couldn’t believe I used to be so small. I took it for granted and called myself fat back then. I also despised the way society would treat heavier people. I am usually always filed away in the fat friend category. I had crushes on boys and they wouldn’t give me the time of day because they were too busy going after the thinner prep.
My photographer side had so many photo ideas, but I could either use someone to model for free, or I could try it myself. I am way too socially awkward, so I would try my ideas using myself, and I was never pleased with the results. All I saw was how chunky I was, and it was not attractive. It also didn’t help that Ben used every opportunity to let me know that I was gaining weight, so that really hurt my self esteem.

I really want to be able to say that I did something right in 2015, and I am really hoping it will be this weight loss. Since June 2013, I have lost 40 pounds! It was amazing of how much of a difference those 40 pounds make.

I’m scared of how I am going to handle the maintenance. I really don’t want to get back to where I was, since it has been a lot of hard work measuring everything I ate, turning down free, fattening foods (since the divorce, I have been broke and have been extremely cheap), and forcing myself to go to the gym after long, tiring days.

It’s been a long, excruciating journey, but the results have been worth it! I like being able to look at myself in the mirror and not be thoroughly disgusted with what’s been looking back at me.
 
 
jellybeanbug24
24 March 2015 @ 04:16 pm
One thing I can say is going right with me right now is my weight loss journey.

We all have our own little weight loss journeys we encounter from time to time. Sometimes it’s so frequent that it might as well be called a commute. Ever since I have moved to Louisiana, I felt like I am continuously on this road, with nowhere to exit.

Recently, my full time job has organized a weight loss challenge. They do it almost every year, but this is the first year I have been able to participate. Compared to a lot of people that were going to participate, I knew I didn’t stand a chance of winning anything. But, I joined because I could use a deadline and the motivation is definitely something I can use.

I started to follow weight watchers guidelines. I didn’t “officially” join, but there are plenty of online resources that post the points and gives the basic ideas. I really didn’t want to mess around with this attempt at losing weight, so I started planning my meals, making things in bulk and freezing them (I go through so many Tupperware, and my freezer is always full now!).

One thing I have picked up from doing this diet that I didn’t expect I would enjoy so much is the fact I’m starting to cook more healthy meals. I have a lot of recipes stored with the weight watchers points, so I am able to budget my daily points more efficiently.

I won’t go on and on in the details of how I have been following the diet, but it has been working out. Since the divorce, I have lost a total of 30 pounds! The first 20 I have no clue how it happened, but the last ten have been because of the weight loss challenge. I am happy to say that I am almost at my weight when I first moved here and gained 30+ pounds within a few months, and I haven’t been able to lose them since.

I’ll try to find some good before/after pictures. My advice to anyone wanting to lose weight, I highly suggest taking a before picture. My self esteem was so shot that I didn’t want to take yet another picture that makes me look fat, so I never did…and I kind of regret it now.