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23 April 2015 @ 03:23 pm
The ride is still not over...  
I have been quite pleased with how my weight loss journey has been going.

When I first signed up for the weight loss challenge, I didn’t expect to win anything. I mostly joined in it for the motivation from being around other people who are also wanting to lose weight.
I know it sounds pretty vain, but I wanted to be able to fit into smaller clothes. There were so many shopping trips I had to surrender and look for the larger sizes. Companies did not want to make cute things for bigger people, and that always bugged me.
I used to be thin in my senior year of high school, and I would look at the few clothes I still had from that era, and couldn’t believe I used to be so small. I took it for granted and called myself fat back then. I also despised the way society would treat heavier people. I am usually always filed away in the fat friend category. I had crushes on boys and they wouldn’t give me the time of day because they were too busy going after the thinner prep.
My photographer side had so many photo ideas, but I could either use someone to model for free, or I could try it myself. I am way too socially awkward, so I would try my ideas using myself, and I was never pleased with the results. All I saw was how chunky I was, and it was not attractive. It also didn’t help that Ben used every opportunity to let me know that I was gaining weight, so that really hurt my self esteem.

I really want to be able to say that I did something right in 2015, and I am really hoping it will be this weight loss. Since June 2013, I have lost 40 pounds! It was amazing of how much of a difference those 40 pounds make.

I’m scared of how I am going to handle the maintenance. I really don’t want to get back to where I was, since it has been a lot of hard work measuring everything I ate, turning down free, fattening foods (since the divorce, I have been broke and have been extremely cheap), and forcing myself to go to the gym after long, tiring days.

It’s been a long, excruciating journey, but the results have been worth it! I like being able to look at myself in the mirror and not be thoroughly disgusted with what’s been looking back at me.